if I had a nickel for every time seth green played the nice boyfriend of the bookish, nerdy girl who fights supernatural beings with her group of friends (called the scooby gang) led by her pretty but badass best friend (played by sarah michelle gellar) before she eventually came out as a lesbian, I’d have two nickels.
I hate the Xander-Willow cheating plot line in season 3 as much as anyone, but I can’t help but feel like it also makes complete sense.
Xander and Willow (and Jesse, forever ignored by the narrative) were friends long before Buffy showed up in Sunnydale. Willow talks about how they haven’t always been as close in The Pack, but they have been a distinct and present part of each other’s lives since close to when they began forming memories they would take to adulthood. Xander stole Willow’s Barbie when they were five. Xander thought Willow set a fire to get him fire trucks when he turned seven. These are people who were as enmeshed in each other’s lives as people can be. And they both feel it slipping away. I think Xander is conscious of it in a way Willow isn’t, what with his “who am I going to call every night, and talk about what we did all day” revelation in Becoming. Willow, his Willow, wakes up and calls for Oz.
And Willow? She gets mad Xander is with Cordelia, and a large part of it is her crush and a part of it is their We Hate Cordelia Club. But part of it is, I think, the fact that they are no longer the people who call each other every night to talk about what they did all day. They used to be the kind of inseparable friends who had (almost) no secrets between them, crushes and abuse not withstanding. And now, there is a space between them. And that space comes from growing up, but I can see where growing up in this way, for these two characters in particular, is painful. And that particular pain of this particular loss can be interpreted by teenagers as romantic affection.
I ache for you now that you’re not around - it must be love. I see you in formalware, and I remember you’re going to be with someone who isn’t me. The space that used to be mine now belongs to that someone else. And instead of recognizing it as the normal pangs when your relationship is no longer the *most* important, Xander and Willow assume it’s attraction.
It also explains how (and why) their dalliance disappears the second they’re caught. Because they love each other, and they want that closeness back; but the loss of their partners - the people they actually romantically love - throws those feelings into sharp relief. They know they don’t love each other in the way they assumed, but only when it’s too late (for Xander, anyway).
And I hate to bring it back to their families, but I do think a huge part of what makes Willow “Willow”, and Xander “Xander”, and Willow and Xander a “Willow and Xander” is the fact that Willow is neglected by her parents and Xander is abused by his. It must be that much more frightening to feel like you’re losing the person who loves you unconditionally, who pays attention to you, who stands up for you and checks on you and constantly makes space for you in their life. Xander depends on Willow’s care, and Willow depends on Xander’s attention and protection. Losing that, for these potentially ephemeral high school relationships, would be it’s own kind of horror.
Like I said, I do hate this development, and I do think there are more reasons than just the above (Willow has wanted Xander for so long; Willow has felt overlooked for the Cordelias (and Buffys) of the world and now she is being chosen; Xander is jealous of Oz and possessive of Willow). But the above makes sense to me, character-wise. It’s not what I would have done to make room for Cordelia to leave, but it’s not outside the bounds of who Xander and Willow are, in these moments.
things i chew on at night instead of sleeping that i desperately want to write a whole Thing about but probably(?) never will:
willow’s orientation: doyalist bisexual erasure and it’s influence on canon -> watsonian explorations of her lesbian identity as a) comphet vs b) internalized biphobia (with acknowledgment of such analysis only being appropriate for fictional characters not real people)
dawn and faith’s shared narrative purpose as aspects of buffy (childhood and shadow self) and impact of characterization inre: struggle for self actualized identity independent of relationship to buffy
unpacking how xander’ s romantic interests/pursuits are informed by coming from an abusive household + low self esteem. his relationships with cordelia and anya are a result of internalizing that abuse/the model of a relationship his parents set -> attraction and romantic choices based on low self esteem and partners who will reflect that back at him-> buffy being an idealized object of unrequited love he will never be “good enough” for, attraction for willow arising when she becomes unattainable possibly combined with his fear of losing the one person who has always been “his”. particular brand of misogyny rooted in sexual resentment leading to entitlement and sense of ownership of buffy, willow and anya’s sexualities (and how willow being “gay now” affects his lack of resentment/possessiveness towards her relationship with tara) JFC they really had such an opportunity to tell an amazing (and sympathetic!) story with xander if they had been even remotely aware of the misogyny written into the centre of his characterization
something something consent and assault in s6 (katrina, tara, buffy)
what jesse, spike, and angel mean for the lore around the nature of a “soul” in the buffyverse
read this back to myself and thought “ah yes. completely incomprehensible”
Dru wanted to be good! She wanted to be pure! She didn’t want to be an evil thing! She was sweet and pure and chaste and he did everything he could to destroy her psychologically before taking away her soul and ensuring she would be an insane, eternally suffering sadist for all eternity!!!
She tried to be holy! She tried to be good! And then he tried to convince her she was evil and killed everyone she loved and she knew it would happen and couldn’t stop it and when she still fought against being evil by trying to become a nun he murdered the whole convent, assaulted her by having sex with Darla on top of her, took pleasure in how that finally fully broke her mind, and turned her into a demon to immortalize the pain he caused.
And then she loves him. She has to love him. He broke her and remade her in his image, and there is no way to cope with that besides loving him and delighting in that which once destroyed her. She enjoys hurting others, killing them, torturing them, targeting children, targeting innocents. She has to love it, because otherwise she will be forced to acknowledge how much pain she is in. She cannot bear Angel apologizing to her, because he turned her into someone who enjoyed experiencing and causing pain, but that’s not who she truly is. She had to twist herself into that insane, sadomasochistic shape to have any semblance of surviving what he did to her, and the lack of soul helps her do that but it is also a trauma response, and inside of her is still that girl who wants to be good and who is devastated that he killed her family, and if anyone acknowledges that for one instant the pain and devastation of what was done to her and what she turned into in response will destroy her. So she tortures Angel and loves Angelus and chooses Spike who will treat her gently and take care of her and soothe the wounded child inside of her and also rejoice in her evil and her violence because she needs someone who will love both parts of her and not make her feel ashamed for becoming what she had to become.
